Skeleton

Twenty.
Two years ago I never expected to be where I am. I imagined a very different future for myself. I never expected to travel the very winding and exhausting road that I have. I was so different back then. Old pictures and dreams coat these walls that surround me. A different me lived in this room two years ago. Two years ago - such a short time - with so many changes. What a different world that was. High school- so simple yet so complex in its own way....Sometimes it is hard coming back into this room. The dark memories. The room of my past. The walls seem to be talking to me, trying to remind me of the girl that I was. They witnessed all of it. If they could talk... what would they say?...But that was then. Now, this room is nothing but a skeleton. The dismal life that once thrived in the enclosed space is gone. All that is left is the bones of a long forgotten past, a past that has been left behind. Life, while everything around me seemed to be changing, I didn't even stop to notice the change that has come over me. Tonight I see it clearly.


I have overcome my past, and that, is an exhilarating thought.

To My Mother

Dear Mom,

I know this is a day after mother's day but I still wanted to write you something. I love you very much and I hope you realize the wonderful angel that you are. I thank God every day to have been blessed with you as my mother. You have been an example to me my entire life and I thank you for all the service and love you have given to me as you raised me and your other children. I know that you and I have had our share of disagreements and arguments and I apologize for my stubbornness and rebellious ways. I have never wanted to bring pain to you, but yet I know that I have in the past. I hope that you can forgive me and believe me when I say that I love you very much and will never stop. I know I have been far from the perfect daughter but I thank you for your love, patience, support, and help throughout my life.
I want to thank you for showing me from a young age how important church is. It is through your example that I have become as strong as I have in the gospel. Thank you for sharing your testimony, for teaching me how to pray to my Heavenly Father, and taking me to church each Sunday even though it was a hassle with all us kids. Thank you for showing me how to love and share through service. You have served me everyday of my life and I thank you for that. Thank you for teaching me how to work and along with that, pay tithing. Thanks for teaching me the concepts of being honest and kind. Thank you for the encouragement in all my hobbies and schooling. Whatever good that is in me is all because of you and how you raised me, so thank you.
I have no idea what being a mother is like, but I can imagine that it is far from an easy task. You never made it seem difficult though, and you never raised your voice in anger at any of us. I know I have put you through a lot of ups and downs. I thank you for your love in seeing me through and being there to help me. You are an angel and I love you. Thank you for everything you have done, do, and will do. 

Love,

Emily

Here I am!

A blog. This strange concept of such a thing had always been in the back of my mind but I never saw the point in starting one. No one would read it! But yet here I am! And readers or not, I will write anyways! I still have no idea what I will write about but I can imagine it will be along the various topics that randomly flow through my mind.


I have always loved writing and have found it as a sort of therapy for me. I am a keeper of various journals. I am not the best with verbal words and never have been. Shyness enveloped my entire being as a kid and it took a very long time to burst from it's bonds. Even though I am rarely shy anymore, there is a certain love I still have for writing. Give me any writing utensil and paper, or set me in front of a keyboard and I can express myself the exact way I intend to. 

You may be curious as to my blog title. My middle name is Rae, and my dad recounts coming up with that name a little something like this: "I was walking out of the hospital after you were born and it was a cloudy day. As I was walking to the car a sudden a ray of sunshine broke through and I decided that ray, spelled with an "e" would be your middle name." Kind of a random story! But I decided to name my blog after that little story because I know that a few of my future posts will be a little personal and thought provoking. I hope in a way that I can be that ray of sunshine for those out there that need a little light on a dreary day.


"The reason one writes isn't the fact he wants to say something. He writes because he has something to say." - F. Scott Fitzgerald


Although I am biologically young, I don't feel that way. I know I am not one to give expert advice or professional opinion but I know that I have been through enough thus far in my short period of existence to be able to convey what I know. While I am unsure about what future posts will be, I promise you readers (I hope to at least get a few!) that it will not be verbal "puke". When I write, I have a point in doing so. Well, I think that this long post suffices for now. Welcome to my blog!