A Beautiful Mind?

The human mind. What a beautiful and miraculous creation. While in my anatomy class last semester I remember holding multiple brains in my hands and being awestruck. This structure of the human body is what allows people to physically move their body, create their own masterpieces, participate in activities, memorize, see, hear, smell, touch, taste, learn, communicate, experience adrenaline rushes, be frightened, be happy, be sad, be angry, make decisions, analyze, ETC! While studying the brain in anatomy I had to memorize the nerves that allow us to have our five senses, have feeling on our face and throughout our body and some of these nerves were as thin as a piece of thread! One little thread connection in your body allows you to do/feel so many things! We really are beautiful creations, each part of us!

Have you ever heard the phrase "You are your own worst critic/enemy"? Well that phrase definitely applies to me...and I am sure, many of you as well. While our brains truly are a magnificent and delicate organ, they can certainly be a black hole. This black hole slurps us into this dark abyss where we start to  believe all types of strange lies about ourselves. After being in this abyss, we begin to doubt, criticize,  and blame ourselves. We loose our confidence, self esteem and self worth. It is a horrible place. It is scary moment when you realize that your own mind is what is holding you back from being yourself. This is my current problem that I have fallen back into. I have been fighting to not fall into this black hole for my whole life. It is a current battle I fight...one that I thought I had won a couple months ago but now here I am fighting it again.

I have come to the conclusion that the biggest battles we fight are the ones we have to keep fighting or else it will sneak up on us one day and we will loose big time because we put our guard down. I have learned this the hard way.

My mind, as blessed as I am to have a healthy one, can fall into a very vicious and depressing cycle where everything I think about becomes intertwined with something negative. Unfortunately I somehow got into this habit at a very young age. In a spiritual sense (if you don't mind), I think that Satan started to throw tainted thoughts into my head when I was too young to know how to fight them off, so I believed them instead.

But at least I now know how to work on putting an end to this harsh cycle in my mind. I never really understood the importance of "watching your thoughts" until a couple years ago when my therapist helped me understand that I am where I am mentally because of ONE THOUGHT that multiplies into millions because I LET IT. The quote "Change your thoughts and you change your world" really is true. There is a night and day difference between my life/outlook on life when I am thinking positive thoughts versus negative. (And I thank those friends and family who help me out when I am in my black hole and the world is negative).

Breaking this cycle is hard and exhausting believe it or not because for me, I take each thought that is rumbling through my mind and discern if it is good or bad. If it is negative, I have to work on believing the positive side of that negative thought....and for a person who struggles to do that naturally and quickly...it is very difficult. But deep inside me somewhere I pull out the strength to keep fighting and trying to believe the positive side of my negative thoughts. I have firmly decided to try my hardest to reach my potential. I want to be my own best friend (in a non-conceited way). I want to help lift myself up in a positive way instead of beat myself to a negative pulp.

I have come a long way from my severe depression days, but that doesn't mean that I am completely free from them either. I have to continually fight and strive to be better. For those of you who struggle out there with depression or some form of it, I hope that you know that you're not alone ever. Even though most days, it definitely feels like it (I definitely know how that feels). Take a minute to look around you and notice that there are people around you who care about you and that you matter to. I am not sure who even reads this blog of mine but I also want to remind you, even if you aren't religious, that I personally do know that there is a loving Heavenly Father who is ever mindful of you and all you are going through. He loves each and every one of us. I know that for a fact. He has blessed us with beautiful bodies and minds created in His image. We just have to constantly watch our thoughts - because they will affect our actions and our life's direction.

On those days that I don't have the strength to fight any of my thoughts in my mind, I take strength from a verse found in Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

I'm Back :)

Dear Blog,
WOW! It has been a LONG time...my life has changed quite a bit in the last few months! But here I am ready to write again! Life has granted me some blog time again so I am ready to go! I honestly still don't know what it is exactly I want to have my blog be about...everyone says that blogs should have "themes"....but life doesn't really have a theme so why should a blog? I am pretty sure that all of my posts have been leaning towards the "random emily" category so I suppose that that is what this blog will keep doing. I always have a lot on my mind. I am not even sure if anyone even reads this anymore. But if you do, I hope you get something out of each post. My writing is not meaningless or pointless. I believe that there is (or should be) purpose behind everything I do and yes that includes this blog.

Its purpose? I don't really know...but that is for you to find out for yourself. :) There is always something to learn or realize from everything and everyone. I am going to really try to keep this blog up a little bit better than I have been. It will be full of random tid bits of course. But that's me for ya!

In about a week and a few days I am going to finally take a trip home and I am so excited!!! Not that I don't love where I am living now, but it is always nice to go back to your roots and reunite yourself with all the fun places and faces! The reason for this beautiful trip is to see my baby sister graduate. EXCITING!!!! But at the same time CRAZY! I still remember the days we played with TY beanie babies (remember those?!) and played indians in the backyard. Now my lil sis is all grown up! Going off to college in the fall! Time surely does fly. I get reminded of that time and time again.

You can never grasp time. You can never hold onto it. It will keep going on without you. I believe that is why I have always been addicted to photos. I have LOADS of them and I love taking them. They are a moment of time that I was able to grasp before it got away and I love that. When I die I will definitely walk up and thank the individual who invented the camera! That person (whoever that may be...and I will research that!) helped me be able to hold onto and remember faces I no longer see, places I had never been to, and moments I cherish close to my heart. I love photos.

I hope that someday I can be able to capture other people's special moments and memories and beloved faces. It is a dream that is a little hard to start here in this state since there are so many photographers. But I think I'll try anyways. :)