It has been a long time since I have written on this blog. I have missed it a lot and I actually forgot I had one for awhile. But it is nice to be writing again.
Life tends to get out of control...and mine has seemed that way for awhile so I decided to make some cookies, breathe a little, and am now eating a few while untangling my thoughts and stringing them into words. Sometimes I forget a few things about life. I forget to smile, laugh, find joy in everything, and remember that God is in control. Lately it seems like my depression has been pulling me deeper and deeper into a dark and lonely abyss and I never notice how much I am drowning until I admit it. It seems strange I know, but I am a person who goes and goes until I realize I have been running on empty for wayyyyy longer than should be possible. So when I crash, I crash hard.
While sitting here, I made the realization that for me, sometimes the negative thoughts that leak into my brain about my self worth and what I am doing turn into a full blown hole that makes me sink faster than I can swim. Once that happens, I realized just now that I think so low of myself that I tend to ignore myself and how I feel because I think that it doesn't matter because I don't matter...and what a terrible falsification that is. Sitting here, it is scary to see how far down I had to go into the depths before I realized how deep the adversary has pulled me...but gratefully there is One always there to lift us up when we fall, pull us up from the depths of darkness and Who loves us and will comfort us through anything. He truly is the strongest power I have to overcome my lifelong struggle in and out of depression because I can never do it on my own. When I try to overcome anything on my own, I fall harder out of pride. I know that His power can overcome all because He has overcome it all, He knows the way. I just have to remember to rely on Him, my Savior, and do my best with what is given me. If you struggle with anything, I know that He is there for you too, always.
Many people have probably heard the saying that "you are your worst critic", or something along the lines of that and a thought I had today is to be your best critic, be kind and positive to yourself because that is what God is for you. God and the Savior are your advocates and you should try to be one for yourself as well. I don't mean to become self-absorbed and selfish or anything, but care about your well-being along with everyone else you care about. Check in with yourself and make sure you are thinking and being the person you are trying to be and if you aren't, make the little adjustments in your attitude, outlook, words, etc. and move forward with your day. I need to, and will try to do this more often...it'll be a new goal to try and work on this upcoming year.
So in the meantime, take some time out of your day, bake some yummy treat and check in with yourself. Sometimes you just need a cookie or two. :)
