I'm sitting here. Tears streaming. Sobbing quietly.
God. Whatever little hope is left in me comes from the thought that one day He will make things right. I just have to keep my chin up and just keep pushing through and doing the best I can.
I'm listening to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole. They say that the joy is in the journey. And I agree. But sometimes I am weak. It comes with being human. Sometimes I try in vain to see those joyful moments in this journey. It can be tiring. Exhausting. Especially when you are trying so hard to make the ones you love try to see that joy when they are at their end. I hurt deep for them.
But I can't give up. I have to be their strength and mine. And I will. I could be stripped of every single thing I hold dear in this life, but I know that deep down it is a learning journey and these will be learning moments. Sometimes it is hard to see the gems in those dark caves we get ourselves into. But I do know that one day in the future I will look back and see the gem I found in that cave. See the growth. And see the joy.
I can get frustrated. With this life. But I can no longer get frustrated with God. I might try, but it is in vain. I cannot get frustrated because I do know that he sees the big picture and I only see a small part. He is the other side of the rainbow. He makes and will continue to make all my troubles melt like lemon drops. I must do my best to see it through. But sometimes it is hard to hold myself together when life hits me hard in the face. But this song gives me comfort and so does God. I know things will work out. Tears help ease these emotions.
Life works out.
We all get in ruts.
I am not perfect and never will be. But I do know that I have a perfect belief in a Higher Being. Nothing can take that away from me. I've had enough dark moments to finally find that gem, that He lives and that He comforts and that He loves unceasingly and knows each and every heartache in each of our hearts. He listens and knows of each joy and pain. He cares and will never stop. He never leaves. He is always there.
He will see me through and will answer my prayers when the time is right.
Sorry for this somewhat bittersweet post. But I needed to write. It helps.
